Finding Your Way
by Attheedgeoftomorrow
Summary: It has been seven years since he left. Eric had just moved back and on his first night back into town, he returns to Open Bar and finds out if Lux has found her way.


He missed Portland. He forgot how much he missed it until he had moved back. Maybe because missing Portland meant missing her, and he couldn't let himself miss her. It had been seven years since he left and he only allowed himself to think about her a hand full of times in those years. The last time was a month ago. A month ago was when his life altered, again.

"Seriously guys I am in no mood to go out tonight. I just want to go home, unpack and go to bed" Eric said slamming the car door behind him.

"Come on dude. It's your first night back here. You've been through hell the past month and deserve to let lose a little." Alex was a good guy and was only trying to help him but Eric was not ready for helping. Eric and Alex had kept in touch these past seven years and he even helped Eric get his new job the at university.

He glanced between Alex and Nick. Eric knew they were not going to let up "lead the way".

"That a boy" they said, slapping him on the back. They led him down the block, hands in his jacket, and looking towards the ground.

The guys entered the semi crowed bar and headed to the seated area at the back near the dart board. "Okay, I'll be right back with a pitcher" Nick said and pushed his way to the bar.

"Look man, I know you had some doubts about coming back but after the whole Ally thing it was probably for the best."

"The Ally thing? Is that what we are calling her ripping out my heart and crushing it?"

"One day you are going to tell me everything. Everything about why you left seven year ago and why you're back now and everything in between. But in your own time when you're ready."

He smiled for the first time in a month and looked up at his friend. "Thanks man" he looked around for the first time since he entered the bar. There was no way that he was where he was. And even if this was Open Bar it must have been sold after the fire because it looked so different. Seven years was a long time. Anything could have happened.

He looked toward the bar to see Nick coming back with a pitcher and three glasses. His eye locked on the girl behind the bar. She had a beautiful compass tattoo on the back of her neck.

Nick sat down, seeing Eric eyeing the girl "the bartender is out of this world isn't she. Stop you're gawking and go find out her name if you're interested"

Eric's eyes were fixed on the girl behind the bar as she turned his way so he could see her face.

He looked like he had seen a ghost. "Lux. Her name is Lux."

* Baze hadn't sold the bar and he made it very clear the night he left he was not to be anywhere near Lux. But that was seven years ago; Lux would be almost 24 now.

"So you know the bar tender? I thought you didn't know anybody in Portland" Nick asked while Eric couldn't take his eyes off of her.

"Alex didn't tell you? About seven years ago, he and I lived together while I was teaching at a high school here."

"No he did not. How long where you here?"

"Not quite a year" Alex chimed in "he was filling while someone was on maternity leave."

"I was Lux's English tutor, her dad owns this bar" and we dated he thought but that is something he hasn't spoken about since that cold January night.

That was all the information he needed to give Alex and Nick for the subject to be dropped. Eric had to make a conscious effort not to keep looking over at Lux and be present with the guys. They threw darts, drank his beer, but not as much as the other two, make crude jokes and laughed. Pitcher after pitcher the guys drank, but Eric couldn't go up to the bar when it was his round, until he couldn't avoid it any more.

He walked up to the bar; trying figure out what he was going to say. He had to tell his feet to move, his hands were shaking. As he approached the counter, the rest of the bar faded out.

"What can I get you" she said cutting lemons without looking up at him.

"Pitcher of Sheep Dog Ale, Eeyore"

She put the knife down and froze. A million thoughts were racing through her mind and he could read them all on her face.

She looked up and smiled "First I'll need to see some i.d, Minnesota" she grabbed a pitcher and started filling it "'Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, _he_ walks into mine'" Casablanca, she come along way he thought "it's good to see you Eric."

"You too Lux. And yours?"

"Well not technically. Dad lets me, Tasha and Jones live upstairs if we, mostly me, run this place for him. He and mom are too busy with the other places and the baby but can't bare to let it go. It works out nicely, its close the university and its free rent" she was babbling, she couldn't help it.

He had never heard Lux call Cate and Baze mom and dad, things have really changed. He was glad she was in university and she seemed happy. "So Baze isn't going kill me for being here?"

"No. After you left, my parents and I sorted out a lot of our issues. It took some time but they understood why I made some of the choices I made. While they understood they stood by the 'we'll call the police if he contacts you' thing. But it's been seven years; there is not much they can do now."

"Yo Eric! We're thirsty here" Nick called.

"Coming" he shouted "can we catch up" he sounded like a 16 year old but was desperate to see her again and find out the last 7 years of his life. It sounds like everything had changed

"Yeah and this is one the house" she said as she handed him his beer.

He couldn't take the smile off his face for the rest of the night. Eric seemed to be frozen in the moment, not knowing how much time had passed or what his friends where saying. He kept stealing glances over at Lux.

"Dude did you hear me? I said we are going to go. I have work in the morning." Alex said snapping him out gaze.

"Right. Yeah. Home" He didn't want to leave her again but he knew where she was and she knew he wanted to see here again. As they walked out of the bar he stole one last glance at her. He nearly walked into the door; he was so focused on her smile.

"Thanks guys for dragging me out tonight guys. You were right I needed it. I actually forgot about Ally for a bit" he hadn't known Nick very long or well but he was one of Alex's best friends and also worked at the university where Eric would be starting work come Monday. He and Alex would be living together again and Nick was their neighbour.

"Well it was nice to see a smile on your face buddy" Alex said as they reached his car.

They were stopped at a red light a few blocks away when Eric suddenly said "Shit I left my phone at the bar."

"Seriously man?"

"Yeah. They should still be open for another 15 minutes. Don't worry I'll just run back and get it and take cab home" before they could offer up any alternatives, he was out off the car and jogging back to the bar.

He had to stop and catch his breath before he went back into the bar because he didn't want to seem out of breath. He checked he watch, he wasn't sure if he had made it in time He peered through the window. She was still there and clearing tables. He tried to pull the door but it was locked. He tapped the window. She looked up at him and smiled as she walked over to unlock the door.

"I forgot my phone"

She stepped aside and let him in. He walked over to where they were sitting and started searching for his phone. Lux continued stacking chairs "So what are you doing back in Portland any way? I thought Baze had put the fear of god in you when you left? At least that's how he tells the story" she said with a gentle laugh.

"It's not that he put the fear in me, I knew he wasn't messing around. And honestly, he only told me what I knew for myself. That was one of the reasons I went to Math in the first place. Baze gave me the opportunity to leave with some ounce of my reputation and I needed to not be selfish. I needed to let you be a kid. So I moved to Seattle and started over." He picked up his phone from under the couch "Found it. I better let you finish up here" he said walked back to the door. "Or I could stay and help you... I mean if you want"

"Well make yourself useful then" she said throwing a cloth at him. He was clearing tables while she was sweeping the floor. They worked in silence with only the radio in the background.

"You still haven't answered my question about why you're back" she said after a few minutes.

"I got at job at Portland State. Couldn't pass it up. They head hunted me for almost 2 years before I gave in. Well not so much gave in but needed to get out of Seattle" he was rambling again. He couldn't help himself. She made him nervous. Part of him liked that even after all these year she still made him nervous.

"PSU? No kidding. I'm in my third semester of my Master's of Social Work there" Masters degree, he thought. Good for her. "I figure having been through the system I can offer insight better than anyone and I can make a difference. Everyone was saying I would be really good at it but I resisted for so long. I think I just had to come to it on my own." She was rambling now.

"And how did you come to that?" he asked making his way over to clear the bar.

"I don't actually know. It just sorta happened when I held my baby brother for the first time. I didn't feel lost any more, like I had a real family and I wanted to make sure that other kids got that too, you know." They went back to clearing the bar in silence when she looked at the clock "Eric, it's getting late, you should go home. You don't have to do this, it's my job remember"

"I know." She still could read him pretty well. What he wasn't saying was louder then what he was. He didn't want to leave her again.

She walked over to the door and locked it. "I'm gonna leave the rest of this for the others in the morning. Come up stairs. It's more comfortable"

"What about Jones and Tasha" he had put both of them in an awkward spot before and not sure how he would be greeted.

"I'm alone tonight. Jones is away at a business conference and Tasha is at her boyfriend's"

The loft looked nearly the same, just at little less frat house. He looked over to Lux's old "room". He was happy to see that it was now an office, though there were still curtains hanging.

"I like what you have done with the place. A lot less animal house" Eric said with a chuckle.

"That's what happens when the frat boys move out and the new tenants are two girls and Jones. Eric, make yourself comfortable, I'm going to take a quick shower. Got to rinse the bar off of me. I'll be like ten minutes tops. Remotes are on the table" she was giving him a way out; she knew he wouldn't take it but she had to give him the option. She disappeared into the room on the far side of the loft, Baze's old room. He heard a door close and water start to run.

He stepped up to the makeshift office. She had made the space a collection of her life. There was a wall dedicated to pictures. A picture of her adoption day, from her graduation from Westmount, Cate and Baze's wedding (he made a mental note to ask about that), Lux holding a baby which he now knew was Cate and Baze, not Ryan, her toes in the ocean, her university graduation and every major life event. He had to do a double take when he saw the picture of them together at the wedding they crashed. A smile had crept over his face at the memory.

There was a bookshelf in one side. So many books had been collect and well read. He noticed a copy of _The Outsiders_ on the top shelf. The spine was worn through. He flicked through the pages and saw "Property of Westmount High School" stamped in the front cover. It was then that he noticed something painted above the bookshelf. "Stay gold Ponyboy, Stay gold". He put the book back on the shelf and walked over to her desk. There was the bong lamp Baze had given her and next to it was the compass he had given her.

He heard the water shut off. He went back to the couch, he didn't want to seem like he was snooping, even though he was. She emerged from the back, hair wet wearing a tank top and shorts. "that was quick" he said as she took a seat next to him on the couch.

"yeah I can't sleep to I get the grim off of me. It's often the best part of my day. Though today it was seeing you. I missed you Eric. I get why you left and why it had to be a clean break. But that doesn't mean it didn't hurt."

He looked awkwardly around, avoiding her gaze "it destroyed me to do that to you but I did it for you" he said sheepishly. "Look at this life that you have created for yourself. You wouldn't have all this if I didn't. It took me a long time of soul searching for me to come to terms with that. I can't count the number of time I started dialing your number. But over time, it go easier not to look at what I had given up, but what I gave you." He wasn't sure what he was saying or if it made any sense to Lux but he was trying to explain something that was unexplainable.

" I don't blame you for anything Eric. What we were doing put you in a position that you shouldn't have been in. we let our feels cloud our reasoning. I didn't see it then but like you said in time you come to understand things you thought you knew. And yes I have created something out of my life but that was because I was open to experiences and taking chances. I also let my parents be just that parents. I was safe and loved. And more importantly, I found my path."

Eric wasn't sure how much time had passed but they eased in to conversations about the highs and lows of the past seven years. He told her about his two years teaching in India and Egypt and she told him how she's been to the ocean and how every time she thinks about that first time with him. A smile creeps across his face at the memory. He was happy that she had achieved so much in such a sort time.

She started yawing and rubbing her eyes. Clearly she was tired and wanted him to go but didn't want to kick him out. He looked at his watched and said "shit look at the time." It was nearly four am. " I better call a cab and get home" He said getting up and making his way to the door.

Lux stopped him by saying "you'll never get a cab this late. Just crash on the couch. I'll drive you back to you're place after we've both gotten some sleep." He couldn't argue with that, though he didn't know how much sleep he would get with her in the next room. She had disappeared for a moment only to return with a few pillows and a blanket. "Here. The couch is pretty comfy. Extra pillows and blankets are in the hall closet…I assume you remember where that is" she said with a giggle. This wasn't the first time Eric would be sleeping in this apartment after all.

"Thanks" he took the stuff from her hands and started arraigning the couch to his liking. Lux headed towards her room but turned on her heel and caught him off guard.

She embraced him tightly and said "I am glad you're back Eric. I'm really happy that you walked into the bar tonight."

They stood there in that embrace for what seemed like for ever. Her arms were around his neck while he held her waist. He could smell her hair and she could feel his strong arms holding her slender frame. He was the one that pulled away and simply said "goodnight Lux".

As she shut of the lights and retreated to her room, Eric took off his jeans and T shirt, leaving him on only his boxers. He looked at his phone, three texts from Alex "dude what's taking so long?" "Have you gotten lost already?" and lastly "don't wake me when you come in" all sent within the first hour of leaving the guys. He would be completely passed out so he wasn't expecting Eric.

Eric lay on the couch but sleep wasn't coming to him. He tossed and turned and thinking about this incredible woman just in the next room. He heard the floor creak and he half closed his eyes. Lux grabed a bottle of water from the fridge and went back to her room. He paused for a moment, and then followed her into her room.

He stood in her door way "cant sleep either" she said as she saw his shadow.

"no." he moved over and sat on the end of her bed. He placed her hand over his heart "my heart has been racing since I saw you behind that bar" even in the low light their eyes were locked on each other.

Without hesitation, he leaned in, holding the sides of her face and gently kissed her. He broke away just far enough so he could see her face. Lux reached up and placed her arms around his neck and pulled him back in. They didn't need to speak because all the words had been spoken and what was left was this feeling of longing. Eric had kissed Lux before but without him even knowing it, he was holding back. He didn't have to hold back now. There was nothing standing in their way anymore.

He pulled himself closer to her, so now he was sitting nearer to the top of the bed. He moved his hands along her body and found the bottom of her tank top. He moved his mouth to her neck as Lux felt those strong muscles embrace her.

Lux started to lean back on her bed as Eric shifted so he was now over top of her. Eric traced the lines on her back with his fingers as he lifted her top over her head and threw it in the side. He moved his mouth along the front of her chest and along her stomach. She dug her nails in to his back, overwhelmed the sensations that she was feeling. He closed the space between them and she could feel how much he wanted her. She wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him closer to her. They rolled over so now Eric was on his back. She sat up right moving her hands along his toned stomached. Her hands were followed by her mouth. She pulled off his boxers as she took hold of his growing erection.

This was enough to set Eric's whole body on fire. He quickly returned the favour by removing her shorts and plunging his fingers into her sweet spot. Their mouths met again as their desire for one another had intensified.

Lux leaned over to pull open her bed side table and pulled out a condom. All Eric could do was look up at her as she put it on him. He had never wanted a woman more in his life then how much he wanted Lux in this one. He wanted to savour every second but at the same time he couldn't hold back anymore. He stared up at her as she straddled him and slowly lowered herself onto him.

She began to move her hips in a circle but she quickly lowered down, closing what seemed to be an enormous gap between their lips. His hand found their way to the back of her neck, holding and pulling her closer.

He had flipped them over so now she was on her back, legs wrapped around his waist. Without daring to break their kiss, Eric moved his hips along hers, pulsing in an upward monition, in every attempted to maximise her pleasure. He had caused her so much pain in the past, now he was trying to make up for it.

Both of them found the movement that set each other off. Eric wanted them to hit their peak at the same to so he broke their kiss to give just enough distance between them for his hand to help her along. With a few more deep plunges, he breathed out her name and collapsed onto her. After a few moments he rolled off of her, drenched in sweat.

Eric brushed the hair away from her eyes and just stared at her. She looked back at him, neither of them speaking. His lips found hers again, but there was a softness to this kiss. He cupped her face and stared in to her eyes for what seemed like an eternality before saying "I love you Lux. I think I have loved you since you first asked to see my ID."

"I love you too Eric, but probably not as early as you. I've loved you since the first time I saw the Ocean" she said with a giggle. "I finally found my way, and it led me to you. Now don't even think of leaving me again" she said as she snuggled into his arms.

He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight. Both were not far from sleep.

"Never"


End file.
